Read about the natural state of the Yoni, and the myth about tight pussies.
This blog has been published before on the website Ultimate Lovers.
“Yumm, you feel so juicy and amazing and I love every part of your body..” he whispers in my ear while making love. I enjoy this moment too, and feel my body relaxing even deeper while hearing his words of appreciation. “Your pussy is so beautiful, and feels so tight!” I suddenly feel how my breathing stops, and I come sitting up, looking a bit confused. “Huh, what did you just say? My pussy feels what??”
Somehow these words had such a strong effect on me. Instead of relaxing even more, feeling even more beautiful and sensual, I feel my body contracting. Indeed, now my pussy feels tight. And needless to say, it does not feel good at all..
In this blog you’ll read about the ‘Natural State of the Yoni’. Many women experience pain, numbness and tension in their vaginas. Tight pussies keep you from experiencing epic orgasms. When you allow your vagina to relax, to heal and to return to their natural state of being – you can bring much more pleasure, feeling and depth to your sex life.
A bit later, we were still laying in bed, I asked him: “Why did you say that? Is tight really how it feels for you?” I felt so relaxed, and open. Tight felt like the opposite of how I experienced you inside of me. And how I love to feel you inside of me. Close, but not tight. “You’re right”, he said. “I thought it sounded sexy, and it was what you would like to hear. I believe this is what all women like to hear, but I guess that is not exactly true..”
Somehow we started to believe the illusion that pussies, yonis and vaginas are hairless, smell like roses and don’t have visible labia.
And above all, pussies need to feel tight. That tight equals sexy. That without being tight, your man won’t feel much.
As a sexological bodyworker, I have seen and touched numerous women’s vaginas professionally. I can tell you, no one is the same. But what they all have in common is a certain mystical quality. When the Yoni truly opens, both man and women can be taken into a journey that can be best described as being a trance-like state. A state of orgasm that is beyond a feeling of physical pleasure and release.
Often, this space of mystery and unexpected experiences lies hidden behind layers of tension and even trauma. Tension in the vagina and pelvic floor is caused by stress, feelings of unsafety and unease, or traumatic experiences in the past. On an emotional level, this causes suppression of your sensuality and sexual energy. On a physical level, this can cause numbness, dryness, tightness and pain in the vagina. It is not that a woman won’t be aroused or can’t orgasm. But the depth of that kind of orgasm that feels so intense and feels like an almost spiritual experience won’t be reached. To put it bluntly:
Tension in your pelvic floor and a tight pussy is preventing you from experiencing epic orgasms.
Epic orgasms? I’m sure I got your attention there! Let’s dive in a bit deeper into this very interesting topic. Roughly we can divide orgasms in two main categories. Most well-known orgasms for a women are clitoral orgasms, which are in a way explosive: short and powerful. Sometimes it is called ‘peak’ orgasm or ‘male’ orgasm. However, the vaginal canal, including G-spot and many other pleasure spots located inside, allow for a whole range of other orgasms called ‘valley’ or ‘female’ orgasms: they feel way more deep, expansive and long.
To reach this deeper form of vaginal orgasm – relaxation is key. A full surrender and openness to what is, on a physical, emotional and even energetical level. Feelings of stress, fear, a need for control or not being able to let go – will limit your ability to experience these deep orgasms.
These deep orgasms work more with feeling energy then friction.
Have you ever noticed that you can hold a tampon or mooncup easily all day, without feeling it? This is because the inner walls of your vagina are not necessarily very sensitive to touch, or friction. However, the vaginal walls and the cervix are extremely sensitive to energy and internal orgasmic spots like the G-spot or A-spot do really well with a kind of a sucking movement. Also here, tightness, pumping or creating friction will not really push the magic button.
On a physical level, tension in the walls of the vagina forms a kind of protective barrier for experiencing energy and therefore pleasure. In a way your vagina sets barriers for you, to protect you from experiencing intense orgasms which can be emotionally overwhelming. The underlying emotions and feelings might need a bit more time, and a gentle approach combined with a safe space and a willingness to feel all there is without any expectations. Receiving a yoni massage can be a great way to slowly bring down the walls of tension that have been build up over time.
When tension is released, as a therapist I often feel the physical changes of the vaginal tissue almost instantly. Releasing tension often goes hand in hand with shedding some tears and feeling emotions of all kinds. And when these emotions are felt, there is no need for them to stay in the body in the form of tension. It feels almost like the tension melts and vaginal tissue becomes soft and moisture and elastic again. The former ‘tight pussy’ changes into a soft, juicy and vibrant happy pussy! Your tissue will become way more sensitive to pleasure and will always have a natural level of moisture, which is important for your vaginal health. Your vagina will look, feel and smell like, well… like pussy! Beautiful, unique, vibrant and healthy. Her natural state of being.
This process of opening takes courage, and time. It is often not reached overnight. But allowing your vagina to return to her natural state of being will not only give you so much more pleasure and depth in your sexual life. It also opens up a source of wisdom and guidance, who will be with you always. As Margot Anand, godmother of Tantra and extremely Wise Woman stated: “ There is a great Guru between your legs”.